March 2012
24 posts
“You are mine wind, mine wealth, mine world,
And never shall thee wanting be;...”
– Maxwell.Valentine
“…my depression got so horrible that it actually broke through to the other side...”
– Allie Brosh
“Slowly, my feelings started to shrivel up. The few that managed to survive the...”
– Allie Brosh
“But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that...”
– Allie Brosh
Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression →
This is a really wonderful explanation of depression, but there is ONE THING I’d like to add: it gets better. I’ve felt like this before; the first time was from the age of twelve to the age of nineteen. Then I felt alive for the first time I could ever remember. During the summer and fall of my twentieth year, I began to feel empty in a way I’d forgotten I could, but this time...
Dream: The Asian Flower Guy
Chris and I and an Asian guy and some other guy were walking trough a park on a sidewalk. Chris disliked the Asian for being stupid enough to leave his house unlocked and get stolen from. I thought Chris was being harsh. Chris kicked the Asian guy off the sidewalk and started kicking dirt over the Asian guy, who had randomly become a white flower with a long stem. I tried to keep the flower from...
Turns out I’m a bit of a prude and you’re a bit disgusting. And to think i loved you…. I’m some kind of idiot. Scratch that. YOU’RE the idiot here for not having the courage to open up to me. I’m a wonderful person and you’d be lucky to have me if you appreciated me.
Remember that time where I was driving around in my car yelling “fuck”? Well. I’m doing it again. But this time, it’s because I’m trying not to get too attached, and in a way it’s a really happy lesson to learn. I intend on winning you for myself someday. Although that sounds really territorial. But yeah. You’re perfection.
“Sometimes, you love someone for something more meaningful than the appeal of...”
– Maxwell.Valentine
“People often complain that music is too ambiguous, that what they should think...”
– Felix Mendelssohn
Momma was right. When you treat others with respect and love them for who they are, it always comes back to you :)
A few minutes ago, I was texting you…just you. Since you stopped, I’ve started texting about ten other people, and I still feel under-stimulated. I’m looking for someone who is intelligent enough to know himself and moral enough to be honest with me about himself. Unfortunately, you’re not both of those things to the degree I need, despite being intelligent and honest. It helps...
Thank god for tumblr. If it weren’t for all the gifs of sad, lonely phrases, I’d think I must be the only person who falls in love entirely too often for comfort.
The Stand-Up
Jess: That night was almost theraputic to me in a way.
Me: Okay. Well, it didn't do anyone else any good.
Jess: I dont really think it did anything to anyone other than you. Its what I needed though. And I dont mean it like that sounds, I mean it like, I dont really
Care if it did anything for anyone else,...other than you. Im sorry that it hurt you.
I think we all know, at least I for sure know, that ive never been to a place that low in the course of one night.
Hmm. I think that still sounds worse than I mean it to be. its hard to sound sincere over texts.
Me: I understand. Just for your information, four people that were there and one person who wasn't even there have texted or spoken to me since and expressed their disgust at you and Sean making out. But I'm not angry because I'm envious, although I am; I'm angry because you're fucking with him and that's so so so not cool. I really care about him as a friend and you clearly don't because you're messing with his emotions, and that pisses me off because you did it with mark already and he is no better for it. At least when I get involved in these guys' lives, I sincerely care about the and intend to be there for them to make them happy and not just use them when I'm feeling depressed and had too much to drink.
Emotional Snapshot
I’m excited for tonight.
I already have my outfit picked out!
And Sean has just decided we’re gonna go get his industrial before Kush.
Which is cool.
And he’s cute.
And I’m finishing my homework.
And I want to brush my teeth for forever cuz these cookies are so buttery.
And I’m really enjoying the massage chair.
And my eyes itch.
And I miss Will back when he...
“When I wished to sing of love, it turned to sorrow. And when I wished to sing of...”
– Franz Schubert
For some unknowable reason, I’ve been treating this like some part of life where I have to wait until it happens to me. That’s not the way I live any other part of my life, and for good reason. I resolve to put for the effort and acquire the growth and knowledge necessary to find the person I can incorporate into my beautiful universe. My life is so full and complete in all the ways I...
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