March 2012
2 posts
1 tag
February 2012
15 posts
I Miss You
…And you can’t tell me that’s wrong.
I’m sick of you not giving a fuck all the time cuz apparently that includes not giving a fuck about me. You’re selfish and you hurt me on a regular basis and I doubt you even notice. You’re no good for me. I bet that, if by some slim chance you happen to read this, you wouldn’t even realize its about you.
Call me when you’ve learned to be a genuine friend and...
“Love kills even in small doses.”
– Maxwell.Valentine
You must really appreciate my taste in guys since you always become best friends with my love interests. It would be helpful if it didn’t always happen when I’m trying to move on. Ugh. This emotion will be the death of me. Ironically, it’s the one I value most. Love kills even in small doses.
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then...”
– Karen Marie Moning (via ancient-amateur)
Sometimes, I get lonely, and that’s just the way it is. Isn’t it?
Anyway, I want to have a goal or direction with this emotion, the same way I try to have put a tangible purpose behind everything I do, but it’s so perfectly unhealthy for me to place that purpose on you. When I’m lonely, it hurts a lot less to be longing for a specific person than for a general state of...
“Love is a stupid concept I can’t escape.”
– Maxwell.Valentine
It probably goes against my don’t-get-attached goal to be daydreaming about fucking you unconscious with my teeth on your neck, but that’s what I’m doing. Eh. What’s done is done.
I would like very much to have a warm intellect held close beside me as I drift tonight into the turbulent sweetness that is slumber. I intend to wait my turn and not take love for granted when it appears; no one will be more savored nor cherished than he.
“I’m not looking for a significant other; I’m looking for an...”
I miss your chest hair. Also, it’s probably not good for the whole not-getting-attached thing that I just daydreamed about kissing you in the middle of the street :-|
“Thy hand, Belinda; darkness shades me. On thy bosom let me rest; More I would,...”
– Purcell (Dido and Aeneas)
“The life of white men is slavery. They are prisoners in towns or farms.”
– Sitting Bull
January 2012
16 posts
“Aesthetics is the sensory and intellectual response to the divinity of Being....”
– Scientific Pantheism.
One Evening [Gonzales Piano Solo] - Feist
PANTHEISM: Basic Principles of Scientific... →
SCIENTIFIC PANTHEISM
reveres the universe as the only real divinity, and holds nature sacred. It fuses religion and science, and concern for humans with concern for nature. It provides the most solid basis for environmental ethics. It is a religion that requires no faith other than common sense, no revelation other than open eyes and a mind open to evidence, no guru other than your own self.
“It makes sense, but the desperation grows. There is friendship, and there is...”
– Shalene Gupta
I’m sorry. Sometimes I get a little handy when you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen and also too inebriated to make up your own mind. I guess I got carried away and made it up for you. Ah, well. From what I could tell, what with the leg-kicking and hand-squeezing, not to mention that one awkward hand-kiss thing you did, you thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe next time...
1 tag
1 tag
“Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,
...”
– Tony Hoagland, from “The Word” (via awritersruminations)
Amy's Compliment
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re awesome.
You have an awesome personality and a lot of awesome things. Like a fuckin lake house. (although ur personality and sense of humor is much more impressive I must say) And when I met you I thought you were gonna hate me and judge me like other cool people but that’s when I realized you had absolutely no clue how far above the...
3 tags
It’s not just that you’re going through some immature phase or that you need to grow up and that takes time; I honestly don’t see you ever finding happiness because this is the person you’ve chosen to be and the life you must live because of that choice. If you do eventually find your improbable way out of that ditch you live in, I’ll be happy for you nonetheless.
...
1 tag
There’s maybe a SINGLE person on this planet who would choose you over me if you asked him to, and honestly it’s better for me if you take him out of my life, anyway. I’m through with being lost in clouds, and I couldn’t give any less of a shit about you than I do now, you crazy, selfish, deluded, pathetic, insecure, sad little girl. Good fucking luck with the rest of your...
December 2011
23 posts
Checklist for Hidden Anger
Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
Perpetual or habitual lateness.
A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
Frequent sighing.
Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of “grin and bear it”.
Smiling while hurting.
Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
Difficulty in getting to...
15 Styles of Distorted Thinking
Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
Polarized Thinking: Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you’re a failure. There is no middle ground.
Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once you expect it to...
“You say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains.
You say...”
– William Shakespeare
3 tags
Potential Wasted
I’m not sure why or how I ever loved you. You’re a mystery to me. I am so different from you and I have changed so much, yet you seem to be growing stale. I wish you would grow and expand so that I could see in you more than the potential I see.
How sad it is when potential so great is so completely wasted. One turns to anger, one to stone; he sees naught but hatred, while he feels...
1 tag
I never really believed in this sort of thing, but I feel like I’m losing my soulmate. If anyone in this world is right for me, it has got to be you. This tears me apart.
1 tag
Why don’t we climb a mountain? We could get lost and hold each other close to keep warm. We could learn to live in nature without a single human comfort except for that of your arms around me. What I wouldn’t give to see that desire in your eyes like I was the last man in the world and you couldn’t be happier. Think of what we could do together. You and I each have a power I can...
1 tag
“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
– Oscar Levant
3 tags
You still have so much growing to do. I realize now that even YOU don’t know your true self yet, so how could I have fallen in love with it?
1 tag
“My heart is breaking so slowly, which is somehow worse than the already horrible...”
– Maxwell.Valentine
Perhaps the reason I never cry is because I’ve lived my whole life subconsciously holding back tears until it became second nature.
Well, I somehow seemed to have killed that instinct.
The Thing About Robert's Is...
That I refuse to ever make friends with, much less date, another one. They are always and will always be highly regrettable.
Now, I know this is dumb, and that I shouldn’t judge a person by something so cursory as his name, but I’ve had enough bad experiences with enough Robert’s to last me a fucking lifetime.
Amy Asked For Personal Information
Umm I’m 6 foot. 185lb. Gay. American. White (mostly Scandinavian, French, and Cajun). I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine (except occasional glasses of wine or chocolate milk). I am allergic to most animals and plants (and stupid people (unless they’re hung like an ox)). I like large-frame, goofy, introspective white guys and any kind of Mexican (and I’m working on ending my...
1 tag
I miss you so much that it physically hurts. WTF
I hate this. A lot. And I want to hate you, but instead I’ll probably just keeping loving you until I die, and then I’ll just be dead and loving you and maybe I’ll take up knitting. Or sewing. I have a lot of things that need sewing. But I would really need to fix those things once I’m dead, I suppose. I’ll probably have new things. Dead people things.
“I’m lucky because I know I’ll break far more hearts in my day then...”
– Maxwell.Valentine
“You Are Far
I’m Never Gonna Be Your Star
I’ll Pick Up The Pieces...”
– Michael Bublé - Kissing A Fool
3 tags
Final Clarity
I’m slowly beginning to see this situation more clearly. S was always a substitute to me, which was so horrible of me to do; I just wish I’d understood that at the time. I think he did know that and he tried anyway. I think I hated him for not telling me, although it clearly isn’t his fault. I think I was trying I prove to myself that C could love me by letting someone else love...