The Beast Within.
No one can withstand it
Yet I, among the few,
Cage my horrors,
Conceal my truths.
And if better I appear for my secrecy,
Then worse I am for my deception.
For I do not seem myself,
And I am not who I appear.
The Horror Concealed.
Reality Sealed Away,
Hidden from sight,
Secret from the world.
None can sense its presence,
But I tremble from its burden.
How heavy my conscience,
And weighty my faith.
I see the truth and do not believe it,
Do not want it.
Thrust it away,
Into a boarded up heart.
The Horror Concealed
The Lies Invisible.
Away from the world,
Away from myself, yet consuming me.
Torn apart by the fraudulence,
Ripped in two by the falsity.
If only it were out.
If I show myself to all who glance my way.
Gone, my face.
Gone, my mask.
Gone, my pride.
The Horror Concealed.
I wrote this when I was in middle school. I must have been pretty troubled…
|~||Welcome To Nightvale|
I say let people play their games and have their labels if they enjoy it, as some do because, like any other social role, it’s a stereotypical part that is sometimes fun to act out for some people. I feel so sorry for people who are insecure or sensitive enough to be personally offended by a set of sounds and syllables to the extent of embracing a negative emotion for protection. If someone is that offended by the word “fag”, or ANY word, I would rather not spend time with that person; I’d prefer to surround myself with those who place less of an unnecessary power on terminology and connotation. We can give a word any meaning we want, and the fact that we choose to give it a negative one and let it impact us negatively is utterly moronic.
“Look, I understand that religion makes it easier to deal with all of the random shitty things that happen to us, and I wish I could get on that ride; I’m sure I would be happier. But I can’t. Feelings aren’t enough. I need it to be real.”
~Orange Is The New Black
This show really speaks to who I am and what I believe.
Also, that whole thing about Kinsey scales and loving more than one person at a time. Understanding that has always been important to me.
Jessica (from my childhood church):
Is this how you felt at St. Laurence?
I mean, on the deepest level it’s how I’ve always felt. I’m very happy I met the people I did at st laurence but I need felt truly accepted there, and now i know it’s because I hadn’t truly accepted myself for who I am. I don’t claim to know what does or doesn’t exist, and for that reason I can’t commit myself to believing in anything defined. I just believe. I don’t think I haw to know what I’m believing to believe correctly. I just trust that whatever exists, if anything does, is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. I find comfort in that because, to me, that’s complete honesty with myself, which is the most important thing in the world to me.
I met a guy for the second time last night and I’m kind of really into him. The first time we met I thought he was a hobo. :)
Also at the party last night eight different people complimented my personality, five my physical appearance, and three my talent for kissing. :)
I have so many stories just from last night, the best night of my LIFE!
Like being the center of attention in a kiddie pool full of gays in their underwear. And Dante telling me I’m the biggest badass he knows and he met chuck norris last week!
And I accidentally left my underwear at the party :P
And I got pantsed by my friend’s husband, who I’m pretty sure has a thing for me, but I felt oddly comfortable walking around nude with these people. I feel so welcome and loved and supported and attractive and funny and intelligent around them. Everyone there respects and looks up to me a great deal and its just absolutely incredible.
And my goal is to remember that feeling and learn to internalize it because I AM a badass and I DESERVE to be the center of attention! Not so I can become an attention hog, but so I can retain that confidence and self-love. Because my ego is somewhere past mars right now :)
How easily I can appease a fool! Why should I waste all my dear effective time feigning to build up a one when I could far more facilely satiate the multitudes, in turn? In deed, it is clear: I am of the strongest build and keenest tongue. My intellectual palate never may be slaked, though I surely shall evermore not cease attempts. The mere nascence of my mind undoubtedly brings glory to the extent of humankind. Yet, do I dare to imagine another suitable to the statutes and utmost limitations that unto my self are most unerringly assigned? Alas, I am not so foolish as to believe in the incredible, yet is it far more foolish still to renounce that over which we have no verity! Ask of yourself but this: what is that could ever not be, and what is not that ever could? There we have our answer, as the man exists not who could defy the deeply inherent possibility of all things. All things that have been were once not, and someday, perhaps, will be ill-extant once more. Leave not to yourself the task of finding that which cannot be found. Digress. Adjourn to your own days and leave up to the unknown that which it owns.